The best and proudest moments of my life have been spent watching my daughters as they've grown up. They've matured to lovely young ladies all, intelligent, witty, and each very beautiful -- the total package. I can look to them and know, without a doubt, that I did something right in this crazy world. Nevertheless, I approach each Mother's Day with dull sensitivity. I may hear from them or I may not. It's likely I'll get a generic Happy Mother's Day text; I no longer set myself up for anything more because it just hurts more when it's not forthcoming.
They are all young, single, 20 something's, with busy and vibrant lives, and for that I am grateful. I know too many of you that are wishing for a text that will never come, because your child was called to heaven too soon. We aren't meant to bury our children; it is a most unnatural and lonely path you tread, and I wish there were words that could soothe you, but I know better. To you, I can only offer a prayer that grace will lessen the unimaginable pain you feel every day.
I've spent hours and days and countless sessions with counselors, trying to understand why my girls don't have the same bond that I feel for them. Certainly many of us didn't have that sense until we had children of our own, so hope springs eternal that when that day comes, the scales will fall from their eyes and hearts, and I will be welcomed back like the prodigal son.
Struggling through a terrible and hurtful divorce has caused strain for me and my girls that I never could have contemplated, and was ill equipped to mollify. At every turn our children look to us for answers that we can't always give, either because we don't know the reasoning, or because we want to shield them from the pain of knowing the truth. There are many of us, I know, who have been silently taking the bullets for our kids so that they may be free to live unburdened. I am proud that I've been strong enough to run interference. It's difficult to know the things I know, and necessarily bittersweet on days like today.
There is no one that can cause abundant joy or pain more than our children because they are the embodiment of our purpose, our efforts, and our deep and abiding love. So for all of us who struggle on Christmas, birthdays, and Mother's Day, a blessing for the courage and restraint that we live every day, and hope for a peaceful and blessed tomorrow.